The United Kingdom Joins China’s Belt & Road Initiative

In a remarkable political U-turn, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Foreign Secretary Liz Truss stated last night that the United Kingdom was to join China’s Belt and Road Initiative. 

“Our attempts to look for Brexit Opportunities and the concept of a Free Trade Zone style island in the Pitcairn Islands just like Hong Kong used to be, has led us back to where it all began!” enthused Johnson “The whirlwind days of British trading with China! Without this time of course, the opium or the silver” he said, standing next to embarrassed looking executives of Swire and Jardines.  

Liz Truss, waving the 2022 woke versions of the flags of the East India Company and Union Jack, (essentially now just white sheets with nothing on them) said that the British people had spoken and that they had “Voted with their chopsticks” a reference to a snap referendum held yesterday in London’s Gerrard and Lisle Streets, which pointed to an overwhelming majority of 98% giving approval for tariff reductions on items such as soya sauce, stinky tofu, mahjong sets and egg custard tarts. 

British trade with China has soared from exporting 270 tonnes of high-quality smack in 1840 to importing 103,900 of the finest Hong Kongese in 2019. Hong Kong has gone from having one of the world’s largest concentrations of British-made Rolls-Royce’s cars to now importing a staggering £61 million worth of British meat and other meat offal products. 

“It’s a fantastic day for British sausage makers!” announced Smithfield UK, “We proudly look forward to entering the Chinese market, er, unless our bosses in Virginia say we can’t because of US sanctions” he mumbled. 

A celebratory after-party held at Number Ten was cancelled on Police advise although ‘suspiciously loud guffawing’ and ‘banging chewns’ were heard coming from the large shrubbery in the Downing Street gardens at 2am, together with the clinking of ‘non-alcoholic’ wine glasses.  

Source: China Briefing